So yeah, had the extraction on Tuesday and it was so traumatizing. No kidding. The dentist was cute and gentle, but it didn't distract me from the pain. The anesthesia injection was horrible, he took almost half an hour trying to pull out the bottom wisdom teeth that he had to drill it into pieces for easier extraction (which still turned out to be pretty difficult that he actually SWEATED), and basically my mouth was tugged and prodded and etc. So I was then slapped with 3 days MC including that day.
And if I wasn't bleeding enough from that extraction, the next bad thing was the stupid menses. So you can imagine how much of a discomfort I was in. Slight fever, pain, sore gums, mentally drained from the ordeal, menses cramps. Man, this week is proving to be the most difficult days of this year.
And then came the final blow. My manager tendered her resignation. She was very nice and recommended me for promotion. I think same as before the truth hasn't really sunk in. Was busy cos returned to work after 3 days of MC, have some urgent things to settle. So haven't really had the time to really think about it and ponder what it all really means.
I'm glad that my efforts to improve were recognized. Though honestly I didn't think I was doing it on purpose to gain recognition or something like that. I just wanted to do my best in what I like. Not that in the past initially I didn't want to do my best. Just that perhaps the working culture is different. Maybe because for once, people have expressed their expectations for me and I didn't want to let them nor myself down.
But while I'm happy that I've improved (though still plenty of room for improvements, cos I don't think I'm anywhere near her standard), I'm just abit hesitant about my capabilities. I'm honored that she feels I'm capable and can do it, but somehow there's this uneasy feeling, that can I really meet up to their expectations? Can I really do my manager had been doing all these while? So far I see what I've been doing as her back-up or assistant. I'm still not really as hands-on as she is, though she thinks otherwise. Is it really that I think so little of myself? Even at my first appraisal, I find it hard to write in words what I do. Somehow she doesn't understand why (but then again, I also don't, so why should she? -_-).
Blabbering nonsense again I think. Anyway it's not a major SHOCK that she's leaving. But it's kind of sad how people around me are always leaving. Perhaps it's cos it's difficult for me to make friends that I can open up to. So when people go, somehow there's this sense of loss. Sure we can still meet up and all. But somehow the feeling is different. At least to me. I'm kinda weird in that way. Wonder why.
I know there are still nice ladies around. But somehow to me my manager is special because she is like the mentor I never had. She's not afraid to show her frustration at the things I didn't do right and "educate" me as she always says. I've learnt so much from her since I first came in here. Not just about work, but about attitude, values etc. I don't deny sometimes she can be abit harsh when she scolds, but she's one of the rare ones (if not THE ONLY one) who can scold me and I don't scold back or give black face etc. That's my way of saying I respect this person. (That said, not that I don't respect my hubby :p He's a different matter altogether.) Well I'm not exactly letting myself be a pushover. There are some rare times when I do talk back when I don't think I'm in the wrong lah.
I guess what I'm trying to say but probably won't say in her face is that I'll miss you damn loads. And thank you for all you've done for me.
- Phia signing off
