To Go or Not to Go, That is the Question

Yup. Actually I've tendered and gave one month notice already, but because of the 'counselling' by my 2 bosses, plus the fact that I haven't found a job, I decided to take back my resignation. So I'm still stuck here. But should still be leaving end September.

Ivory asked me why I want to leave. Various reasons. She should know I long ago want to leave. But why now? Because now I really do not feel the motivation to continue working. Honestly, that's the best answer already. I'm rude to the students, I've no patience with them, I'm not who I used to be when I first started here. I don't like this change, and it just means my passion is not here anymore. My heart is not in the work, is not with the students anymore. How to continue working here? Work until my attitude pisses someone off and I get fired?

Other reasons of course is the salary, benefits, etc and plus the fact that my dad and bro keep nagging to change job, find government job, etc. *shrugs* Ah well. A change in environment is good. Because I've been here so long already; 4 years I think, and I don't think I've learnt much. It's time to move out of my comfort zone and do something new, face new challenges, meet new people. Sometimes I feel I'm taking granted of the comfort zone that I have here. Because I've known some of the people for so long, I do do my work, I work ok with the people here. So not much problems I face like office politics, etc. But being stagnant here isn't good either. I find that I don't really know much about other things. I only know about my current jobscope. I feel like I need to go and 'see the world'.

I honestly do feel bad leaving Ivory here with all the other problems with students. And I can't bear to leave her and Philyna. They mean alot to me, more than they know. But I do have to leave. I cannot take it much longer. For the past 2 or 3 months, I've been complaining DAILY to my hubby. I feel so angry and all the other negative emotions at the end of each working day. I throw tantrums at him, I nag at him, I rant to him. I think he's also sick of all these. But I can't stop myself. Keeping them bottled inside just makes me feel even worse and if no other outlets to release the tension, I just flare up at him for every little matter that he's suffering just as much as I do. I feel so bad, but I can't stop myself really.

So to go or not to go? If I don't go, I'll probably go crazy sooner or later. And I'll probably get fired for my attitude towards the students. If I go, I feel bad for deserting Ivory and Philyna. I don't know lah. Hopefully I find a job soon. It will help me make my decision...

My Hamster Just Gave Birth!

I can only say this: "OMGOMGOMFG!"

I was so stunned when hubby told me she had just given birth! Because I didn't notice anything different when I fed them in the morning before work!

Snuck in a peek on the babies, and awwww... They are just so cute and gross at the same time! Wriggling, little hairless, reddish things... LOL! I can't wait to see them grow out their fur! ^_^

Managed to count them (because they were partially hidden by the cotton wool that I had put in the cage originally), and there are 8 of them! I think it's just so interesting to see the mother hamster pick them up with her teeth back into the house. They kept dropping out of the house, because she's so fat, she inevitably will drag some babies out of the house when she climbs out of the tiny house-hole.

Well, this is the highlight of this week! =) I keep sneaking out to take a look at them whenever I'm home. Sigh.

Now I just pray hard that they'll grow up soon! And be safe... >_<

Update~

Work:

Getting busy and stressed as hell. I can't wait for end of July where I can FINALLY relax! -_- So many things to do, to handle, to take note... Sigh... I don't envy Ivory.

Life:

Hmmm, well, waiting to buy our own 'love nest'. Hoping that we can get the flat from the HDB half-yearly sale! Please pray for us! >_< When that is settled, well, it's a load off my mind. And we can start planning the renovation and hopefully be able to move in by end of the year!

Had a fight with sis. Shan't elaborate, only am sorry for slapping her, which was quite uncalled for no matter what. Especially since I don't condone violence. Sigh. But I'm still not gonna forgive her for the things she said. Mess with me, fine. Mess with hubby, sorry, I will NEVER tolerate. End of story.

His friend gave us 2 new baby hamsters! UBER cuteness lah! =D Yeah, my last hammie died. Sigh. So I told his friend, and he said he'll give us two hamsters. But then one male, one female. -_- Just worried when there are babies! I'll just go frantic with worry. -_- But they are quite tame surprisingly. The male one is such a scaredy-cat. LOL. Hum-ji one. Hahaha... Started shivering when hubby carried it. =p The female one super duper small lor! So worried I'll accidentally crush her. -_- Interestingly they don't play with the wheel. Hubby says they are still small and not used to their new home. =p Love them to bits. Still don't know what to call them though. So far came up with Kachang and Putih. LOL. Because before that was eating kachang putih, and just nice, the male one is white in colour, the female is yellowish, orangey. =p

Went to his friend's pub with 2 of his friends. Long time haven't been clubbing. LOL. Feel so old lah. Anyway was abit miffed when one of the guy that STARED at my chest when he walked past me. LIKE HELLO?! It's not as if I was wearing anything revealing as what I would wear to clubbing lah! -_- And such blatant staring?! CB lor. Hubby still can joke if I had worn another top, he would have nose-bleed. -_- What the hell...

That's all for now. Crossing my fingers that we get our flat soon! =(

Back from Bangkok

Am missing my 3 Thai girlfriends badly from King's Garden pub near Patpong... =(

Kwan, the 19-year-old waitress who is super duper cute. Her reactions is really typical of a 'xiao meimei' but not those act cute kind. The way she smiles and her dramatic gestures really is so endearing and cute! Hubby says I like her so much because her face is the 'fleshy' kind, very nice to pinch type. =p I especially adore the way she scratched her head when hubby did some of those card/coin tricks, the way she kept practising the card tricks my hubby taught her, the way she proudly 'thanked' everyone for watching her successful card trick, the way she beamed (my hubby says her smile is a 'squarish' kind of smile, very cute). She's just adorable.

Cookie, one of the girls at the pub, is sweet looking, and is good on the eyes. =) Not your typical "chio" kind, but it's those girl-next-door kind. Every night that we're there, she'd come find me, give me a hug at the waist and touch my upper arm. -_- I joked to hubby that she's taking advantage of me. LOL! She's very shy and doesn't talk much, except to me. But then she likes to ask me to play "Connect 4" with her. -_- Which I lose every single time. Sigh. Until the next night when I'm there, I refused to play with her. =x Hubby says she likes to play with me because I'm stupid. -_- She ended up being our friend's date during our last night there. Hehe... All thanks to me lah! I 'sacrificed' my body to lure her into our group and matchmake them! =x

Last but not least is Aou. How do I say, she reminds me so much of Philyna and more. =) The first few nights that we saw her, she seems very arrogant, rarely smiling and 'untouchable'. But on the last night, because we were showing Cookie a few antics (like ear-wriggling, eyebrow raised up and down etc), she asked Aou over to show us the "pupils in the middle" antic. Oh my god, that made us all laugh like mad. And from there, there's no stopping all of us. Her reactions, are all so dramatic, totally opposite from her usual persona. She's not afraid of looking so unglam, so ugly, etc. There's nothing that she won't do seriously. =p The way she threw a tantrum when her colleagues laughed at the fat bird that she folded for me, the way she glared and sulked, the way she just roared in laughter whenever she failed to do some of the tricks that we showed them (or rather, hubby, who showed them some card and coin tricks), the way she went to disturb our friend, her facial expressions, really drama-mama. =)

There's so much I want to say about Aou, so much I want to put in words what I love about her, so much I want to describe the time spent with her and the other girls. But no words can describe this experience, no words can explain how much fun we've all had. I guess I can only keep Aou in my heart, remembering her and our encounter. And of course the other girls. =)

I miss them oh so much. =( Pity that we didn't meet Aou earlier. We would have had so much more fun.

I'll blog more about my Bangkok trip next time. Waiting for hubby's photos. Now I'll just go and cry. =(

Busy Day...

Had so many things to do today! Not enough sleep... -_- Wanted to sleep more since it's (a) a Saturday! No work! and (b) didn't sleep enough the past few nights. (Last night had a durian supper plus midnight show at Causeway Point. Night at the Museum 2!) But well, had a busy day lined up, and we needed to go to trim our hair at the salon at 12nn.

So off we went, trimmed our hair and headed off to his friend's bike shop. Had our lunch near there, and went to the Mustafa Warehouse sale. Bought a camcorder as it was pretty cheap! Only S$355! Includes a 4GB SD card, sling casing and extra battery! Actually the free gifts are supposed to be just a small casing (pouch) and a SD card (no extra battery). But the guy probably mistook the Starter Kit for the casing, so he gave us the Starter Kit instead! =D So yeah, very good deal! ^_^ It'll be my baby! Though when will I finally get my own digicam? -_-

Then it looked like it was going to rain soon, so we headed off to Golden Mile Complex to change our currency to Thai Baht and rushed off to his sister's place as we're supposed to have dinner there. =) But they were not back home yet, so we went to Punggol Plaza to rot. =p

Finally we went over to his sister's place where we had steamboat dinner with his sis and bro-in-law and cousins. Very nice gathering, lots of gossips. LOL! =p I do enjoy such gatherings, though I don't really talk much. Hahaha... =x Maybe just not used to it I suppose! Watched TV, played Ban Luck, and went off to meet William for a short meeting before we meet again to go to Bangkok!

Oh no, speaking of which, I still haven't pack my luggage! Wahahahaha... Guess will have to wait till tomorrow... =x

Bangkok, here I come! =D

One More Week...

... and I'm off to Bangkok! ^_^

But can't help worrying about work. Sigh... This week gonna be really busy trying to ensure that everything is ok for when I go on leave! Honestly I'd hate it if something goes wrong when I'm not here, despite what others may think. I'd just feel real bad. =(

But well, I still can't help feeling excited about this trip and I hope we'll really enjoy ourselves there rather than fight and argue! Must learn to control my temper! Sigh...

Nothing much these few weeks. Just busy and stressed at work I suppose. Alot of things are beyond my control, and I don't like that. =( Not when I do my best and I can't get the results I want. It's so frustrating.

I probably need a new job. Sigh...

This holiday came just at the right timing. I just can't wait to relax and not have to answer phonecalls or emails. One whole week all to myself and hubby. =) Just pampering ourselves. *bliss*

I love my hubby! Even though he SO annoys me at times! Grrrr... Yeah, all the 'healthy' talk, 'no money', etc just irritates me. I'm just not someone anyone can nag! I've had enough of that at home!

And speaking of home, I just can't wait to get our own flat and move out asap. Can't live with her anymore. At least when I move out, I'm not reliant on her for anything, so I don't have to put up with her. I'll only miss my daddy and siblings. I'll always be daddy's little girl. =( Only wish our relationship was as tight as it was when I was a lil kid. Sigh. So many things to say to daddy, just don't know how to. We're just not the sort to be open with our feelings. Except anger. LOL.

Makeover on Sunday

Had a makeover on Sunday. Haha, not exactly. Maybe should call it Pampering Myself. =p

Won 2 free facial sessions for hubby and myself at this spa centre, because we were the first 150 persons to add it as a Fan on Facebook. So I made appointment for Sunday, and we headed down to the City Hall outlet.

Looks quite nice and cozy, and we had to fill up our particulars etc before starting the session. During the session, the beautician was quite nice and told me all the things she was doing for me. Quite a relaxing time there. Haha...

After that, met hubby at the reception area for our tea and the lady came over to sell us their packages. Honestly, it's not THAT expensive, and if I had abit of spare moolah, I would sign up for their package, because I do like having facial. But then again, the lady's attitude kind of suck. I didn't like her snide comments of "Wah, thought you two discussing there so long, talk about what big business." And then when she realized that we're not pushovers, she just ignored us when we left the centre. Quite lousy attitude right? If she had still been nice and all, I might have considered signing for the package next time.

When we reached the carpark after we left, hubby looked at his face and was horrified to see some residue in his nostrils! LOL! He was quite grossed out with it. =p Apparently his beautician didn't clean his face properly. Also, he commented that his beautician was sniffling and to me I think that's gross. If you're sick, you shouldn't be doing facial for others. I mean come on, I don't think I want to hear your sniffling and how your mucus is like stuck in your nose. Geez! I'm there to enjoy my facial, not hear some mucus symphony.

Furthermore, it's quite interesting to hear that his beautician didn't do some light massaging, cleaning his neck, shoulders, applying some body cream from neck to shoulders to arms and hands. (Which mine did =p) So he was abit disappointed with the service, at how the standard is different. Oh well, they are aiming for better service for girls, since girls are more likely to sign up for their package, and hence the need to impress us. =p But then again, if 2 persons go together, same treatment should be done for both so that at least they know the service is there, that it will be standard for all treatments done there.

Oh well, no more second trip there. But I'm tempted to source for other reliable companies for facials. Quite like doing facials. Haha... Maybe will get hubby to go also. But need to check that the products used are reliable. For this one, I'm shocked that they used some kind of acid for their "Avro Peel" facial. Supposedly for removing dead skin. Hmmmm... I don't know, I just don't like the word acid. Imagine if you do it like, once a month, I think within a year, my face will just rot away lah. -_- Furthermore I think it's not for me, because at the end of the day, when I look at my face, I have some red patches, where I think it's some kind of skin irritation. Geez. After using Artistry products, I'm just not keen on any other products for my face. Because their products is really not bad. =)

Anyway, after that headed for the saloon for my hair cut. Last minute decided to perm my hair since it wasn't that expensive. But then, didn't like how my hair turned out. It's not that the service isn't good. It's just my hair that's stubborn. Hopefully after a few more washes, the curls will look nicer. Hmmm...

Then went to visit his mum at his cousin's place, since she was helping his cousin with her post-pregnancy confinement. The baby was so cute lah! =p He's so long, should be quite tall next time! And he's such a quiet baby, seems easy to handle. LOL... I can't stand crying babies. They freak me out too much. I like babies and kids, but I don't know if I had a baby, I'll feel the same way too. LOL. The cryings annoy me, or rather scare me. At least with other people's babies/kids, if they start crying, I'll just hand them back and leave. =p I wouldn't know how to deal with mine. -_-

Anyway, today woke up with a headache and jaw pain. Couldn't chew properly, and if I attempt to chew properly by clenching my teeth, my jaw ached like mad. Hubby thought it was mumps, but it doesn't seem swollen on the outside, but inside was definitely swollen, because I couldn't chew properly on the right side. So went to see a doc, and he confirmed it was some infection or something. Not enough water. So he just told me to take some antibiotics and painkillers. Sigh. Not more medicine again. And of course hubby started nagging me about my drinking habits. -_-

Nothing more, just going to sleep early tonight because my jaw still hurts. =(