To Go or Not to Go, That is the Question

Yup. Actually I've tendered and gave one month notice already, but because of the 'counselling' by my 2 bosses, plus the fact that I haven't found a job, I decided to take back my resignation. So I'm still stuck here. But should still be leaving end September.

Ivory asked me why I want to leave. Various reasons. She should know I long ago want to leave. But why now? Because now I really do not feel the motivation to continue working. Honestly, that's the best answer already. I'm rude to the students, I've no patience with them, I'm not who I used to be when I first started here. I don't like this change, and it just means my passion is not here anymore. My heart is not in the work, is not with the students anymore. How to continue working here? Work until my attitude pisses someone off and I get fired?

Other reasons of course is the salary, benefits, etc and plus the fact that my dad and bro keep nagging to change job, find government job, etc. *shrugs* Ah well. A change in environment is good. Because I've been here so long already; 4 years I think, and I don't think I've learnt much. It's time to move out of my comfort zone and do something new, face new challenges, meet new people. Sometimes I feel I'm taking granted of the comfort zone that I have here. Because I've known some of the people for so long, I do do my work, I work ok with the people here. So not much problems I face like office politics, etc. But being stagnant here isn't good either. I find that I don't really know much about other things. I only know about my current jobscope. I feel like I need to go and 'see the world'.

I honestly do feel bad leaving Ivory here with all the other problems with students. And I can't bear to leave her and Philyna. They mean alot to me, more than they know. But I do have to leave. I cannot take it much longer. For the past 2 or 3 months, I've been complaining DAILY to my hubby. I feel so angry and all the other negative emotions at the end of each working day. I throw tantrums at him, I nag at him, I rant to him. I think he's also sick of all these. But I can't stop myself. Keeping them bottled inside just makes me feel even worse and if no other outlets to release the tension, I just flare up at him for every little matter that he's suffering just as much as I do. I feel so bad, but I can't stop myself really.

So to go or not to go? If I don't go, I'll probably go crazy sooner or later. And I'll probably get fired for my attitude towards the students. If I go, I feel bad for deserting Ivory and Philyna. I don't know lah. Hopefully I find a job soon. It will help me make my decision...