My Birthday Wishlist...

My Birthday Wish List:-

1) A new Sony Ericsson phone
– my phone 'koyak' liao leh... but I'm waiting for the latest phone to finally arrive. K850i. One of the best. But also quite like W960i too. Touch-screen. Love that!

2) A new BIG pillow
– to replace my old pillow in the office? Wahahahahaha...

3) Nintendo DS Lite
– pretty please? 2nd hand also can... =p I think the games quite cute leh! And handy for me when I go over to HIS place and he's surfing the net and ignoring me.

4) A sugar-daddy
– to buy me all the things I want and yet don't need. -_- I also want to be disgustingly rich and collect mobile phones as a hobby. *pouts*

5) Miniature perfume set
– I love anything miniature, period. Some miniature perfume bottles are so uniquely shaped. Interesting. Those cute little cakes, food, figurines are so darn cute can? =p When I have my own home, I'm gonna make sure he buys me a glass cabinet for me to fill with cute little trinkets.

6) A new soft toy, something like 'Jimmy'
– one of my weakness; soft toys just make me go "OOH SO KEWTTT". -_- I think that's probably the only time anyone will see the girly side of me. Hahaha… =p I think when I have my own home, I'm gonna have a "Soft Toys" corner. And my bed's gonna be KING SIZED, so that I can bring them to bed with me. Well, worse come to worst, he can go sleep on the floor... *chuckles*

7) Christian Dior eye-shadow set
– the pink casing with a big 'bling bling' D lettering in front? I think it's awfully pretty! Though I don't know if I'll have much use for that, because I don't really apply eye shadows. Don't know how, to be frank. I only know how to draw smoky eyes. But that's easy. Just draw thick eyeliner and go to sleep. Wake up with instant smoky eyes. Lol!

8) Laptop
– I want a laptop to call my own. Compact and portable. So that I can bring it over to his place and surf net too.

9) Story books
– As thick as possible, preferably romance? Or touching kind. I like books that can make me cry. =p Thick because it can keep me occupied for quite some time. Hahahaha. None of those erotic fiction, as Bui would have thought, I'm sure. =p Don't know leh, I prefer reality than fantasy. =x

10) Pet
– I'd love a pet mouse can? =D Dogs are too high maintenance lah. Imagine the vaccinations, food, etc, gonna cost quite abit. And not as if I'm very rich lor. But a pet mouse, well, it's easier to handle and to bring around too! =p But must make sure he'll do the cleaning up for me. Kekekeke...

11) Hair Salon Voucher
– I need a new hairstyle! Tempted to do like Lyna leh, but later sure got people say I trying to copy her. Then sian liao lor! I already long time ago wanna perm my hair like that one leh. *SULKS* But I wanna colour my hair also. Hmmm, don't know what colour also. Maybe someone can offer to go with me and give comments and entertain me? =x

12) Something from Edynae http://edynae.livejournal.com/
- I love her stuff! My sis intro-ed me to this site and I REALLY wanna get something from there but seems like quite difficult lah, cos everything gets snapped up within an hour! Do go there and have a look ok! =p *BIG HINT*

And no, I don't want a tub of mayonnaise nor cheese. -_- Wait till I'm pregnant I might consider that. Lol. =p

But honestly, those are like, so material stuff, which I can do without. =) If I'd really have to make a wish, it's just a better life for us, at least to have our own house, fully renovated. The rest of the things, well, as long as I try to save more each month, I sure can get them myself anyway! =)

But why do I have to celebrate my birthday in Malaysia?! -_- Last year's birthday, was still in Malaysia, though coming back here lah. But this year's birthday also same case lor! *SULKS* Not fun one. I want to have a proper celebration! So sad, I last year no birthday cake on my birthday... Because was in Genting lor, on the way back! He got offer to buy lah, but aiyah, no small slices of cake... And then there was only me, him, his sister and bro-in-law, buy one cake and can't finish like quite stupid lor... So end up I tell him don't buy le... But of course got the big teddy bear as present! =p Hehe... Though I don't think this birthday he'll get anything... Because our anniversary I also didn't get him anything! =x Lol...

Can someone please tell him blatantly that he better do something romantic for my birthday?! Because I think subtle hints are lost with him... -_- Don't need to buy me expensive things lor! Handmade stuff I also like one lor! Also 'lomantik' mah! *pouts*

Guys are mostly SO NOT ROMANTIC one! *grumbles* Yesterday I also was talking to my student, saying how in the previous episode of the 9pm Channel 8 drama serials, Chen Hanwei's character was like, so romantic lor, balloons and teddy bear I think in the car-boot, and asked the girl to open the boot in the pretext of getting something. Then that student said the same thing as him lah "Wah lao, expensive lor, romance! Think no need money one meh?" Liews, how expensive can it be wor?! Not as if asking for 1-carat diamond or 9999 red roses, or what lor. >_<

Men. BAH!

Kneecap Pain Pain... =(

From Tam's blog:

You Are a Flashy Red Bra!

Outgoing, friendly, and fascinating. You're a charmer, with your pick of the men. But you want a man who's as magnetic as you are. You need someone who can keep up with your all night gab fests!

What Kind of Bra Are You?

Doesn't seem like me leh... I where got charmer? -_- But yeah, need someone who can keep up with me! Or more... =p I can't stand boring guys... Because I'm already boring le, wah liews, with a more boring guy who can't keep me entertained, I'll probably die of boredom! Lol...

Oh yah, yesterday (Monday), slipped and banged my knee on the stairs lah. Was raining when he sent me to work, and was wearing the raincoat for my shoes (whatever it called lah), and it was slippery. Walked up the stairs and slipped lor. Wah liews, more painful than tattooing lor! I literally dragged myself up the stairs and stumbled into the office before collapsing onto the chair, because was seeing stars le. -_- That intense ok, the pain?! Felt like puking and fainting. Liews. But after awhile ok lah. Only when Bui tried to rub on my kneecap, I almost slapped her lah. -_- PAIN LOR! Boss worse. Press so hard when I whined to her about it. >_<

Went home and he also tried rubbing. Some parts of the kneecap still not so pain, but kaoz, at one particular spot, the pain was like, long and intense lor! Screamed the house down. =x And feel like got creaking sound sia. He said maybe had hurt my knee ligament or something. Because was slightly swollen, and that spot wasn't exactly bruised. Also whined to him about how this stupid ah pek who was sitting at the stairs, see me fall, and just went "HA HA", without helping. Stupid MF. If I wasn't in so much pain, I'd have cursed and swore at him and threw my shoe at that blardy fella.

Anyway, today ok lah, can walk, only just now when I climbed the stupid escalator which had stopped working, kneecap still hurt. *whines* Ended up wabbling up the stairs. Lol.

Hmmm, nothing much actually. Had a big fight with him during the weekend over an issue, and which I also made known to him some unresolved issues from the past. It's difficult lah, for two people to be together, because of different values, expectations, desires, interpretations, etc. What he seems as ok, is not ok with me. Vice versa. Depends if you want to accept the differences or resolve them by coming to a compromise. Me, I'm usually the one who throws tantrums and he gives in, and I'll be easily placated. Bottomline is, end up there's no proper acceptance that he's that way, and no proper solution. So I guess it all added up and I threw it in his face when I quarrelled with him over an issue. Guess communication is quite important.

Oh well, all's well now, though I don't know if the issues have been resolved or what. But at least I have done my part and told him what I feel and don't like. Up to him if he wants to take them into consideration.

See lah, my entry super long right? =p

Anyway, yeah, birthday coming soon! Gonna celebrate with colleagues (present and ex) early in the month, because especially for me, knowing myself, by end of the month, I'm super broke, and won't have money to go out lah. Lol. Then not nice lor, everytime people jio me out I have to give excuses why I cannot go. Usually if I don't join you guys for outing, most of the time, it's because I'm broke lor, honestly. Not because I want to spend quality time with him. (Ok, that may be partly the reason at times... =p But mostly also because NO MOOLAH!)

Will type up my wish list next entry bah. Actually have written an entry titled My Birthday Wishlist leh, but hor, office block Blogger,so yah, cannot update. WTH.

Ok, I'm heading off to zzzzz...

About Libras...

From Tam's blog:

About Libra: Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.

My comments as below:

1) Nice to everyone they meet.

Hmmmm. Depends; I would say usually, unless you have a kiam-pah face which I see liao and I 'bu shuang' lah. Or you come in with a dao face which annoys me. But I guess true in a way, I'll still make an effort to smile and say hi to people I meet, unless too bad, that day I PMS-ing or somebody had irritated me early in the morning. -_-

2) Can't make up their mind.

This also depends leh! Most of the time I can't make up my mind, which explains my procrastination habit. =p And which explains my behavior, like I can be sweet and understanding to him one minute, and the next I'm giving him hell over a certain issue. =x It's like, I can't make up my mind whether I should be angry with him or just let it go.

3) Have own unique appeal.

Errr... what's that sia. I don't find myself appealing in any way. -_- But I think I'm unique lah… Everyone's unique for that matter! =p My uniqueness? I don't know; simplemindedness? You tell me lah. I ask him what he likes about me, he say my eyes, my boobs… Like, wtf lor... Can someone slap him for me?! =p

4) Creative, energetic, and very social.

Creativity I have none. Wish I had Bui's creativity! Then I can do nice nice cards and pictures for him anytime. -_- Energetic? I'm a lazy bum who likes to sleep leh! Very social? Not really, only perhaps within close friends; but as a whole, I'm not a very sociable person. I scared of interaction with people. -_-

5) Hates to be alone.

Hannor hannor! =p Even though I'm not very sociable, I don't like to be alone, even if I sometimes anti-social. I just don't like facing many people lor. I like smaller group interactions, like maybe just with him only, with my sister, with closer friends or colleagues like, one-to-one, etc?

6) Peaceful, generous.

I'd like to think I am the above! =) But hor, peaceful ar, abit salah leh. Since I like to pick fights with him. -_- But I hate fighting or arguing lah for that matter. Recently I haven't been really peaceful. No idea why. I'm always itching to get into fist fight. Especially with people who are damn fucking rude. Generous, I think so, that's why it annoys me when people are calculative towards me. Or rather, it annoys me more when it happens way after payday and the next payday is still some time away. -_-

7) Very loving and beautiful.

Hee, I'd like to think so too! =p Except for the beautiful part lah. -_- Everyone is prettier than me lor. I wonder what does "very loving" constitutes sia...

8) Flirtatious.

=x My behaviour may seem flirtatious, but I really, honestly have no intent on flirting with anyone. I very guai one ok! Unlike HIM! HMMPPHH! *angry* Bui may know what I'm talking about... Hahaha... Since I always complain to her... Poor thing... =x

9) Give in too easily.

Just call me Miss Pushover. -_- Maybe too simpleminded? No will power lah. I very easy to con one. *rolls eyes*

10) Procrastinators.

*sighs* Don't I know it... Just check out my room, my office workspace, my goals... -_- There's always something that will distract me... I need more will power and determination!

11) Very gullible.

Aka stupidity? Wish I knew how to be less gullible. Maybe I wouldn't be hurt so easily then. Maybe that's why kena 'conned' by him liao... =x he and his honey-coated words in the beginning... hopefully he doesn't read this... wahahahahaha... but he knows I'm joking lah... =p

Feeling Negative...

I hate...

... being misunderstood.
... being away from and without him.
... being shouted at or showed black faces.
... stupid people who expect to be spoonfed.
... people who are so slow.
... waking up early in the morning.
... his bro-in-law (the one with 3 kids).
... feeling insecure, paranoid, negative.
... crying so hard and nobody to comfort me.
... inquisitive people who are actually being kaypohs.
... being so sucky at most things.
... not having enough to spend.
... rude people who don't know how to say "Excuse me", "Sorry", "Thank you".
... being so fat and ugly.
... not being able to do things I really wish to.
... myself.

If You Love Someone...

Sounds familiar? Well, it's actually "If you love someone, let him/her go." And of course, the rest of it goes something like, "If it he/she never returns, then it wasn't meant to be." Or something like that.

Just finished reading Jodi Picoult's book 'Mercy'. Nice. =) Inside, there was this phrase that struck out: "If you love someone, you'll take him/her back." The story behind this was about this husband who had an affair.

But how true is it? You take him back, but will things be able to go back to normal? Will you be able to trust him again? Won't you be tormented by his past misdeed(s)? Will you be able to forget what he had done?

Then what?

Or is it better to just let go?

Our solemnizer had a talk with us before the ROM, and had talked about this actually. He told us of this story where the wife had came crying to him when she found out about his affair. The husband, remorseful, had also came to him at a separate timing. The solemnizer had a chat with the wife, and then with the husband, and she decided to forgive him and they started life anew in another country.

Touching story no doubt, but how many people can do that?

Your heart may forgive, but your mind never forgets.

If he does have an affair one day, I know I'll never forget it. Will I forgive him? Maybe, but certainly it will take a long time. Will I take him back? I honestly don't know.

All I do know, is that I won't love him any lesser for that. But I will still won't be able to forget it, I will still be affected by the voices in my head, reminding me of it, taunting me about it. And then will I choose to let go because I can't live with that?

*sighs*

See what I mean by my previous post on "thinking too much"?

Probably afraid of karma I suppose. What goes around, comes around.

30 Things About Me...

1. I love tidbits!
Think everyone would know lah. But funnily, I'm not exactly a chocolate person, come to think of it.

2. I've been acting my whole life.
As in I put on a mask with different groups of people; not that I'm fakeo in friendships lah, but well, just know how to hide innermost feelings from most people, unless they are people I trust and love, I tend to be more vocal bah. Certain groups of people are more outgoing and open-minded, so obviously I have to act like them mah, or what's the point in joining them? That's my thinking of course.

3. I am a very contradictory person.
Maybe because I'm Libran? Tend to like to look at things from different perspectives. And then I don't know which side to choose. Whether to listen to my heart, my head, my friends, my family, my angel side, my devil side... -_-

4. I'm a super crybaby.
Dysfunctional tear ducts, what to do? I cry when I'm angry, sad, upset, stress, sick, etc. If I'm sad and I cry, usually it's hard to stop. -_-

5. I'm oversensitive/emotional.
Cry easily at sappy stories, movies, scenes, etc. Angry easily too; little things can annoy the hell out of me. Tend to blame myself if things go wrong, or if people around me are angry or sad. And yet sometimes I won't say anything about it.

6. I'm super temperamental.
I can be happy one moment, angry at another, and sad yet another. It's a wonder I haven't gone insane with this tumultuous emotions coursing through me. -_- Totally unpredictable that's me. =p You'll never know when I'll be super mad at you.

7. I hate others raising their voices at me!
It's darn annoying can? JT likes to do that. So sometimes shout back at her. Know that she probably didn't mean it that negatively as I see it, but I just don't like it can?

8. I hate others who gimme black faces!
Literally translated from Chinese ar. =p Yah, if after processing and I feel that I'm not in the wrong, it's not my fault, etc, I'll be damn angry lah. And my mood will be spoilt the whole day.

9. I hate others who are super inquisitive about very personal parts of my life.
Like my mum lah! Annoying lor, the way she nags on about us getting a flat, how much he earning, etc. I'm not ashamed at how little he earns, how less educated he is, how uncouth he may seem, etc. But I just cannot stand the look on her face and others which clearly shows that they look down on him. Which is why those kind of questions annoys the hell out of me?

10. I am super insecure.
If you are given my old blog links to read, you'll see how so. -_- I just don't see anything good about me. No, seriously. Not like trying to garner sympathy, or etc. That's what I hate most too. That's why I need alot of reassurance. ALOT.

11. I am quite a private person.
Hiding my feelings, thoughts, etc is something I've always been doing. Because I hate talking about them and people keep asking me questions, look at me like I'm oh-so-pitiful, giving me answers that I don't want to hear, or telling me stuff that though are truths, but are so like stabs to my heart.

12. I like writing!
Poems, stories, blogs. Poems, only when I'm depressed. Don't ask me why, but I can't write happy poems. I can't find the words to describe them. -_- Stories, aiyah, just some romance novels. Short stories more like. Used to scribble my stories on A4 papers, but don't know where I've thrown them to. = But yeah, I can be very long-winded when I start to write/blog, because the words just flows. Perhaps it's my way of releasing my inner thoughts which usually I'm not so verbal about.

13. I am quite a loner.
Prefers to be alone. Or with him. Or with my closer friends. Or as long as it's with a smaller group of people. Don't know, just don't really know how to mix with people? Though you see me like very kawan-kawan ar, but actually I don't really know how to interact in a group. Because sometimes feel abit left out in the topics they talk about. Maybe my fault at times for being anti-social. But I feel most comfortable being alone with a book and music. =p

14. I've always wanted to be a good mom.
Eh, don't laugh leh! *sulks* I not like most people, so career-driven, so motivated, so ambitious, etc. I simple-minded can? =p I just want to be a working mom. Heh. Too bad lah, no money. He's right lah, get flat first before thinking of that.

15. I'm simple-minded/naive.
Good or bad? Don't know. I'm contented easily; I just need a good paying job, close friends, my own family, a place to call my home. Actually, even if I'm stuck at this hell-hole, if I still have him and he doesn't cheat on me, have affairs, those kind of shit, I think I'll still be happy. =) Haha, I do think so naively at times eh?

16. I adore little animals and kids!
Kids are little animals mah! Lol. =p But love the furry little things, oh so cute lor! =D I wanna buy a small rodent leh. But I sure lazy to change the bedding and clean the cage lor. Think it will die of neglect lah. -_- So better not be murderer. Not as if I'm not anyway. *sighs* Right Bui?

17. I'm so a sucker for romance!
Oh sweep me off my feet with roses, champagne and serenade me under the moon and stars~ Haha. Blame it on all the romance novels that I was hooked on since teenage years lah. Lol. Hmmm, but why the hell did I choose him who knows no romance?! -_- As my first ex who knew me truly, I'll feel romanced even if it's small surprises or gifts every now and then. Even if it's just bookmarks, cute pens, etc, that's enough for me. =p

18. I love soft toys!
I have enough soft toys at home to open a mini shop ok! =x But of course, most of them are from quite some time back, but yeah, I love soft toys lah! Especially those like my office pillow's skin! =p I'm very bad, sometimes I buy soft toys for other kids, end up I buy extra for myself, or keep those toys and buy other stuff for them. =x

19. I'm fiercely protective over my loved ones.
Friends, family members. Yup, and I will resort to violence if provoked, no doubt about that. Scary? =p Nah, just that when I'm really agitated, I won't hesitate to raise my fist. When I'm angry enough, fear will no longer be in my dictionary. I still remember when my bro was bullied during Sunday School and cried to me after service, I went after the bully and knocked him over. Few years back I think, there was this madman harassing my mum, scolding her, shouting expletives, taunting comments at her while she was playing tennis. One day I accompanied her and he was doing that again. Confronted him and when he threw his packet of coffee at me, all hell broke loose and yes I did fight him. Fists, and chairs flew lah. Lol. Anyway, I won't hesitate to stand up for my loved ones if they kena bullied.

20. I've had asthma before.
Don't know why my asthma will go away leh. Got like that one meh? -_- I miss having the inhaler leh. Sweet taste. Lol. Hmmm, maybe I didn't have asthma, just that was addicted to the inhaler only? Maybe yah? Hahaha.

21. I used to go to church!
Actually this is interesting. How do you define Christians? I don't go to church anymore. Partly because nobody I know goes, or if they go, it's like so far lah. Also because I'm lazy. =p I rather sleep late on Sunday mornings. But I do believe there's a God, I know He exists, I know He always has a plan for each of us. Sometimes I do pray to Him, talk to Him. Of course not like, pray for Him to let me strike Toto lah, though that would be nice =x but I think His answer will either be No or Wait. -_- So am I considered Christian? =p Used to love going to church, singing the hymns, especially during Christmas, my favourite part would be the carols! ^_^ Missed going caroling. *sighs* Those were the days.

22. I am an ultimate bookworm.
I love reading! Since young always been caught reading books at any time of the day. Don't know why I love reading, since my parents don't like reading. In fact, they discourage me from reading lah! Except if I'm reading assessment books, textbooks of course. Otherwise, they are annoyed if they find me reading books, and had even gone to the extent of banning me from reading romance fiction, Archie comics. Former because later I'll be like boy-crazy and won't concentrate on studies, latter because the words too small, spoil my eyesight. -_- Reading brings me to another world, where I'm non-existent, where I can be anywhere but in reality.

23. I think too much for my own good.
Worst habit ever. I hate doing this! I'll end up thinking of all the possible scenarios, things that may happen, and I get upset over the unhappy stuff, happy at the happy stuff, and end up feeling upset and happy and God-knows-what-other-emotions. End result? A very confused me. -_- That's why one minute I can say "Never mind, it's ok" and smile, and the next, I start being angry and say "Actually it's not ok!" and I'll start sulking. Poor him, I must say. =p

24. I AM shy!
Oei! STOP LAUGHING! I am shy ok! =p That's why I always seem quite unfriendly at the beginning. Because I don't know what to say, so I just keep quiet. I was the kind who is scared even to request ketchup from waiters at restaurants. Yes, and this was only a few years back, before I started working ok! And precisely why I hate doing Orientations; they freak me out.

25. I've always wanted to migrate.
I really want to migrate or work overseas, even if it's for a short period of time! Maybe migrate to Aussie! I love the life there, the people, the beach, the food… I'm also interested in going Japan to teach English. One of my dreams. =p But don't think so lah. Don't think I'm capable of surviving alone in other countries. -_-

26. My aspiration was to be a kindergarten teacher, or playgroup teacher.
Hmmm, simply because I love kids? =p But they usually require you to have Early Childhood Education Diploma, which I don't have and now can't afford to study. Besides, it also won't earn much. So scrap that idea le. *sighs* Maybe as a part-time job? That would be cool... =)

27. I sometimes do get into depressive state.
I hate it when I go into depressive state. I get angry at everyone, or sad about life, and just have no mood for anything. I'll just be no different from a zombie! And no books or music can cheer me up, because when I'm in a depressive state, I listen to depressing songs. -_- So not healthy. And yes, I do have suicidal thoughts. It's a wonder I'm still here. Really.

28. I have a Love-Hate relationship with mum.
To others, she's the perfect mum, who bakes, cooks, does housework for the family, etc. Takes cares of her daughter's friends if and when they come over. Blah blah blah. But who sees the cane marks so brutally given and with lousy reasons like 'because your daddy caned your brother'? Who hears how she scolded me, sometimes using expletives and hurting words like 'he made you a prostitute' or 'you might as well go and get f***ed at geylang'? Who sees how she punished me by banishing me to the balconey even when it's cold and wet there or to the corridor and make me kneel there? I could so write an essay on how she treated me before. And how much I hated her then. Of course now things are considerably better lah. Because I learnt to strike back and she knows she can't hurt me no more. But probably because mellowing down as age creeps up to her. So yeah, she sometimes does behave like a bitch lah, but well, most of the time, her heart IS in the right place, just that I don't agree with her behavior that's all.

29. I can cook!
Though ok, maybe not like, whip up a 3 course meal, pretty desserts like in cafes, restaurants, etc. But ok, at least I can cook like, proper meals, with rice, meat, vegetables? =p Though I wish I knew how to bake lah.

30. I can read people's minds.
I know Bui must be thinking how come I haven't mentioned sex, or much about him, etc. =p Lol... Though hor, actually this point is because I've run out of things about myself lah. Maybe you can tell me about me? Or how you see me? Idea eh? Ask others to write 10 things about yourself. Hmmm...

~ END ~

Nobody I want to tag leh. How? =p

First Entry...

Heyhey! Welcome to Me & My Drab Life! Lame... -_-

Bored lah, cos Mr Ma is busy packing his stuff for his trip to Jakarta. So create new blog for you guys! Well, actually not exactly for you guys lah. I like keeping many different blogs, for different phases in my life, for my best friends, for my own private reading (not RA lah, just, don't want people to know about how sad I am as a person. -_-), etc.

Well, my blog entries should be quite long I think, from past experiences. Haha. Because it's usually an outlet for me, since I don't really talk to others about personal stuff unless they started the ball rolling and I only talk about stuff I'm more comfortable about. And rubbish of course, anything to entertain and get others' attention eh?

Wish I can write short and sweet like Bui ah! =p Nice, I like. Mine machiam essay, think end up nobody wanna read also. And it gets repititive at times. =p

Anyway, stay tuned for the next entry. Got tagged by Bui lah, and you can see how MY blogging differs from hers and Tam's. =p People's 30 things about themselves are short and sweet and to the point. Mine, as if writing thesis. Hahaha! You shall see why...