Sometimes I hate myself for being so petty. Like I told Bui on Monday, when his godma had passed away, I hated myself for not accompanying him on Sunday when he went to visit her. Granted, I didn't know she was so sick. I thought he was only going to drop by and see her. I had sulked because he was about to leave the house without me, without telling me where he was going. So when I had thrown tantrum before he stepped out, he just said he was going to his godma, and only when I sulked and asked why he didn't ask me, did he ask. By then I was already fuming because it's like, HELLO, this type of thing don't need to ask lor. You tell me I'll sure go with you one. But then when he asked I refused to go and sulked in the room. Only when he returned, did he explain that he was just worried that I'll be uncomfortable or scared being there since she was so sick.
And then Monday morning, she passed away.
So yeah, I still felt much regret for not going, so throwing tantrums. *sighs* I just feel so bad. Not to mention feeling guilty for daring to even THINK how my KL trip and birthday is ruined because he said most probably we're not going to KL anymore to attend the wedding. -_- Bad right? Haiz.
Anyhow, I just hope he won't be feeling so sad. Because he sort of thinks he was a jinx, because she died the next day after seeing him. But it was otherwise. Apparently, she had deteriorated on Wednesday or something, and then she just couldn't fall asleep. Only after seeing him, did she sleep and then she never woke up. =( She even bought him a gold ring after his mum showed her our ROM photos, which her kids passed to him yesterday.
Sighs. I just wish I don't have to attend anymore funerals. (I went back with him to accompany him.) Depressing. And I hate how he doesn't tell me how he feels, what he's thinking.
But this whole issue has taught me something. That you don't know when you'll die. It's best to have no regrets. At least, more or less, his godma shouldn't have much regrets. Seeing how she had waited to see him before she left. She had said her goodbyes to him. And I really should learn to control my stubborness and temper. -_-
Only he can tahan me and lets me off for all my tantrums, stubborness and such. I think only he can really love me despite all my faults.
And then Monday morning, she passed away.
So yeah, I still felt much regret for not going, so throwing tantrums. *sighs* I just feel so bad. Not to mention feeling guilty for daring to even THINK how my KL trip and birthday is ruined because he said most probably we're not going to KL anymore to attend the wedding. -_- Bad right? Haiz.
Anyhow, I just hope he won't be feeling so sad. Because he sort of thinks he was a jinx, because she died the next day after seeing him. But it was otherwise. Apparently, she had deteriorated on Wednesday or something, and then she just couldn't fall asleep. Only after seeing him, did she sleep and then she never woke up. =( She even bought him a gold ring after his mum showed her our ROM photos, which her kids passed to him yesterday.
Sighs. I just wish I don't have to attend anymore funerals. (I went back with him to accompany him.) Depressing. And I hate how he doesn't tell me how he feels, what he's thinking.
But this whole issue has taught me something. That you don't know when you'll die. It's best to have no regrets. At least, more or less, his godma shouldn't have much regrets. Seeing how she had waited to see him before she left. She had said her goodbyes to him. And I really should learn to control my stubborness and temper. -_-
Only he can tahan me and lets me off for all my tantrums, stubborness and such. I think only he can really love me despite all my faults.
1 comment:
phia.. :)
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